UP

Watched the movie, UP, last Friday. Heard from some classmates that it was good, but keeping in mind the quality of certain movies (to be fair, noone said those were good, but my faith in movies was kinda lost after watching them), I didn’t have very high expectations.

Perhaps that helped in my enjoyment of the movie — I was rather pleasantly surprised.

Good movie overall, some scenes were very well done, others were lame, but did not spoil the nice bits too much.

Some thoughts on the movie:

Spoilers follow below.

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SPOILERS FOLLOW BELOW THIS

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OK, I guess there really isn’t anything much to spoil, the plot was simple and predictable enough.

Oh, btw, I don’t really know the names of the characters. Couldn’t read that guy’s name off his mailbox, so I shall refer to the notable characters as: old man, fat kid, older man/explorer, bird, fat dog, alpha dog.

Still, I want to boast about some predictions that came true. I’d expected from the first appearance of that fat little kid that the old man would eventually pin his Grape Soda badge there instead of whatever the child’s supposed to receive. To be fair, I’d expected him to fail to get that badge, by perhaps missing the ceremony, but whatever.

I also had the feeling that the house would somehow beautifully land right beside the waterfall after seeing it drop off the blimp, but hey — I guess everyone else knew that as well.

On to the movie.

I felt it started very very well. The whole sequence, from the old man’s days as a kid, till we see him going about life having trouble walking without a walking stick. They managed to convey his love for adventure, and his respect for that adventurer well through having him watch the movie and prancing about with a balloon, wearing some silly cap and goggles. I particularly enjoyed how they depicted his life with his wife — no words spoken, just actions, seamlessly showing the progress of time, illustrating the random accidents in life that eventually led to them forgetting about their childhood dreams of heading to paradise falls (despite repeatedly trying to save up enough money for a holiday there).

The balloon, a rather symbolic item in this movie, was shown a few times. I also liked how they had the old man send the balloon in with a stick, then follow in holding the adventure book (a throwback to an earlier, similar scene during their childhood, when the old man broke his arm as a child).

I could really feel for the characters — seeing the look of disappointment, shock and regret on the old man’s face when he realised they’d forgotten about their childhood dream until it was too late; seeing him apologetically return the adventure book to his wife as she lay ill in bed, and of course, seeing him stubbornly cling on to the memories of his time with his wife (refusing to move out of the house).

Throughout the movie, you could see his love, and longing for his deceased wife. He was doing it all for her — I doubt he’d even have tried so hard to get to paradise falls if not for his promise. Protecting the valuable sentimental objects during the thunderstorm, seeing him neglect all else to bring the house to the falls, at all costs.

Then, you had the brief moment of grim satisfaction when he’d finally walked the house to paradise falls for the first time. Despite all the other crap that had happened, his job was done. This was followed by another touching but more upbeat moment — finding the message his wife had left for him, telling him to move on, he really did. Kinda extreme to just throw out EVERYTHING, but hey, I felt happy for him that he finally started living his own life. I thought he would at least keep the adventure book, didn’t see him throw it out, but he’d most likely have left it in the house (meaning it was ultimately left behind at the top of the waterfall. Could make for a good story for future adventurers who are like WTF IS THERE A HOUSE HERE?!? I guess).

Another part well done by the director was making the fat kid really annoying. Obviously stupid and naive, boy was the kid annoying. Annoying as hell. From touchdown at paradise falls, he caused all sorts of trouble for the old man. Having to stop for a toilet break moments after saying he didnt have to go, INSISTING that they kept a fricking huge wild bird as a pet, insisting they kept the talking dog, WTF ARE YOU THINKING, KID?!? Get your fat face out of sight! The old guy obviously doesn’t want you there, he just feels responsible for you since he brought you there (although it was the kid who SNUCK into the flying house in the first place). All those moments were bearable, even funny at times. Yes, even when he refused to walk and let himself be dragged along by the old man. But the incredible moment was when the bird finally got captured by the adventurer.

The old man, despite making it clear all along that he didn’t want to have anything to do with the bird, agreed to a detour to bring it back to its home. Heck, he even went against his childhood hero, trying to save the bird. When the bird was captured in the net, what did the kid do? NOTHING. The old man had to shout at him to pass his knife. When the adventurer set fire to the old man’s house, and the old man rushed back to save it, what did the kid do? NOTHING. HE STOOD THERE, watching the old man run away, and the dogs come in to drag the bird back, instead of CONTINUING TO CUT THE NET, AND SAVE THE BIRD HIMSELF. And what does he do after that? HE WHINES. HE BLAMES THE OLD MAN FOR ‘GIVING <THE BIRD> AWAY. WTF SCREW YOU, YOU COULD HAVE CONTINUED CUTTING. AND IT WAS THE OLD MAN’S FRICKING HOUSE. HIS DREAMS! DON’T JUST STAND THERE AND WHINE, AS IF IT WAS HIS FAULT.

Rant over. There were also awesome scenes in the movie — the animation was well done, and scenes like when the house first took flight, ripping itself free of pipes, electricity lines and its foundations, seeing people gape at the house as it flew past, and of course that scene when the fat kid was dragged loudly across the windscreen of the blimp. The adventurer just stared in shock and awe.

That being said, there were some rather poor parts in the movie that could have been done much better IMO.

1) One-dimensional villain.

The antagonist in this movie, the adventurer, could have been so much more, but ended up no more than the typical evil guy in Disney movies. He could have been so much more — he was the childhood hero of the old man, make that count more than just a passing remark (“Now my childhood hero is trying to kill me!”). What they could have done, in my opinion of course, was play on the promise he’d made before setting out to paradise falls a second time — that he’d only return with the beast alive. Now, the old man would then have to choose between helping his childhood hero fulfill his dream, or saving the beast (ultimately choosing the latter, in order to protect wildlife, as well as appease the annoying kid). There could have been another emotional moment as the adventurer either finally gives up on his dream and returns with the two, or goes berserk, forcing the two of them to kill him.

2) Imba willpower

When they first arrived at paradise falls, we saw the kid completely failing to climb the hose. That kinda figures, seeing how fat he is, and how small his arms are compared to his body. Then, somehow, with SHEER WILLPOWER, he flew up the hose like a frickin monkey. Yes, I know what determination can do. But couldn’t they have shown him facing difficulty (while ultimately succeeding), instead of giving us some crappy shonen power-up moment?

3) The badge-awarding ceremony

I THINK that lady shown at the end was the kid’s mother, but where was his father? Didn’t he promise to go for the ceremony? Weren’t his parents worried about the kid for being missing for so long? Oh hey, we see the blimp floating outside the building, indicating they’d just arrived. Why is his mother there, then? She would have had no idea he would return for the ceremony. Of course, I could be wrong, and the lady could be some random mother. In which case, disregard all said above.

4) Too much suspension of belief

Yes, I can accept flying houses and all, and hey, even talking dogs. But at least make it consistent. If the adventurer hadn’t returned to civilisation for so long (at least 40 years, by the looks of it), how did he get his power/food sources? How did he make bread, and sausages? How did he bottle wine (so much wine, that he can afford to spill it all over the ground)?

To these, we may turn to the answer offered by the fat dog — he’s really smart. He should be, I guess, to create collars that allow dogs to talk. Heck, go back home and patent it already! He could become incredibly rich and famous, and THEN he could lead an entire expedition to explore paradise falls. OK. But in that case, why has he failed to catch the bird after all these years? Near the start, we see the bird burning the traps with pure pace. Surely he should have taken its speed into account by the first few months?

How about seeing the old man run around, hauling a fricking house behind him? Near the start, he could barely walk without his walking stick. Then, we see him running and gunning, going from sword-fighting to hauling up the load of a bird and a fat kid ALONE. He also somehow exerts enough force to drag his house around, even stopping it from flying away in the wind. The house has a large surface area, so air resistance would be incredibly strong. Not to mention its inertia. Could the South American air be that good?

Oh, and WHY does the adventurer have a fossil collection on his blimp? As far as I know, these specimens are fragile and extremely valuable. Doesn’t make sense to bring them on board something that could get owned during turbulences.

And I suppose the dogs would have to be inbred. IIRC, the life expectancy of most dogs is below 15 years. That would explain why they are all so damn retarded, I guess. But what about the two anomalies? The rest are all bull dogs, while we have that alpha dog and the fat dog. Where did they come from?

5) A disregard for physics

I can accept the house flying — if you had enough balloons, I guess it MAY just be possible (though not ripping it out of its foundations). But the way it started. We see the old man walking back into his home, splitting some cloth thing to reveal the balloons. Then, we see the house being ripped out of the ground. The only way this can happen is if the cloth was so incredibly strong, it could hold the balloons down. Not likely, looking at how the old man easily split it open.

Another thing that annoyed me was seeing the house float at the same level off the ground. Balloons don’t work that way. If you had a balloon that’s kinda suspended at a certain height, you can’t make it fly higher by placing a table below it. I believe what happens is that when a balloon floats upwards, the air gets thinner and thinner. Finally, it reaches a point where (if it hasn’t burst yet) the upthrust just equals the weight of the balloon. In which case, it should stay at the same level in the air. Thinking further, I realised it could just be that the old man was providing the vertical force through the hose. The house could be nearly weightless (but not quite), so it’s incredibly light, like a balloon filled with air. One could then drag it along behind, and have it float just above the ground. I’d have to take a look at it again to be sure.

6) Flying dogs

The planes were simply not needed. Period.

Plus, the three dogs that parachuted out of the planes no doubt died of hunger some time after that, or got devoured by wild animals in the jungle, seeing as the old man just flew the blimp home.

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Spoilers end

Still, a good movie. Personally found it nicer than WallE — it felt deeper than that. Definitely worth the $6 spent, and MUCH MUCH better than the mummy 3 and the golden compass.

 

H1N1 — Half-hearted attempts to control spread

Today, I went to school. At first I was like ^^ block tests! Can’t wait. And then I realised the second-floor gate was closed, so I was like ‘…’. And then I went downstairs, saw all the PE teachers stationed there, asking people if they’ve travelled to the listed ‘infected nations’. Since those students who did travel to those countries would have stayed home anyway, and those who wanted to sneak out wouldn’t have admitted to it, they just ended up letting everyone pass without doing anything. So I was like .

And then, I walked past the squash courts, turned left, saw someone inside behind a desk wearing a facemask and what looked like a poncho, and I was like XD.

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I’ve been thinking about this, but really, really can’t see the point in some of the things being done. Do point out things that I’ve missed, but is it just me or is the quarantine imposed on travellers and ill people stupidly half-assed and ultimately pointless?

OK first, let’s see what’s on the site:

On 28 June, Singapore has confirmed 145 new cases (455th to 599th cases) of Influenza A (H1N1-2009) today, bringing the total tally to 599 confirmed cases.  In addition to these 145 new cases, 77 other cases were pending investigation yesterday. Of these 222 cases, 117 have been investigated. They comprise 94 local cases, and 23 imported cases. The remaining 105 cases are still being investigated.

Though the number of infected cases has increased, the severity of the disease remains relatively mild.  Singaporeans should carry on with their usual activities whilst observing good personal hygiene at all times.

Ok, so it’s spreading, but it’s not serious right? They’re telling us to go on with our usual activities!

Sounds to me as if the disease isn’t even that serious. I’m not sure about this, but is the death rate similar to that of normal flu?

Then, we also get this:

Dear Students

1.1. If you have returned from a H1N1 affected area* within the past 7 days, you are not allowed to enter the school.  Please inform the school of your situation by calling the admin reception office at 64665912 (HS) or 64683956 (College).

* Countries with sustained community transmission (correct as on 15 June 2009):

USA, Mexico, Canada, United Kingdom, Australia, Japan, Spain, Chile.

2.2. If you have traveled to a country yet to be classified as a H1N1 affected area, you are advised to monitor your health status and refrain from coming to school. 3.While not in school, you are strongly advised to stay at home, and if you are unwell with flu-like symptoms, do consult a doctor.

I do believe this is implemented nation-wide. If you’ve travelled overseas and the 7-day period isn’t up, don’t report to work/school or we’ll force you to go home.

Wow hey, they’re trying to limit the spread! Makes sense, right? This stops it from spreading to their workplaces/schools.

See the vital flaw in this yet?

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What is the point of all these contact tracings, of the self-quarantines, if family members of a quarantined person still go out anyway? These measures! They do nothing!

Let’s say this student has been infected with H1N1. Upon arrival at his school, he’s found to have a fever. The school quarantines him, and calls his parents to come fetch him to the doctor/home. And then the parent goes back to work. And I didn’t even mention all those people the student had come in contact with on his way to school.

Another student returns from an overseas trip to an infected country. He’s not allowed to go outside until the 7-day period is over. He stays home, so the only people he’s come in contact with are his family members. The next day, his whole family goes out to school/work.

…

So… what was the point of the quarantine again?

Yes, I do know some of the problems faced by the people coming up with these measures. Is it unrealistic to quarantine entire families? I suppose it’s hard to trace everyone an infected person has come in contact with and quarantine all their families, as well as those that those people interacted with.

The virus, after all, doesn’t seem serious enough to warrant such actions.

But then, what is the point of these half-hearted actions? This does nothing to stop the spread! I’m not even sure if it will slow it by much.

To me, if they want to do something, either go all out or do nothing at all. Go all out, like what they did during the SARS outbreak. Stop all schools from operating, make families quarantine themselves at home. Don’t want to do this? Don’t implement half-assed measures! All it’s doing is wasting the time of some people, and giving some people a false sense of security, knowing ‘measures’ are set in place to ’stop’ the virus.

Some very insightful articles here and here.

 

Thursday the 12th

I’m quite sure I had a lot to say before I started typing, but as usual, the thoughts disappear when I sit down and try to organise them.

The annual wargames (okay, everyone says ‘wargames’ as if it’s plural, but it’s really a singular term, right? Just an activity) was held on Thursday. Guess the other faculties grew tired of Athena winning it — the first 5 minutes of it really made me go =O ROFLMAOMFG. I guess we all had expected the other faculties to attack us, but it was really quite a sight. How can I ever begin to describe it?

Imagine a field divided into four. On the top left is a mass of green, below that is a blob of blue. To the top-right and bottom-right are messes of yellow and red respectively. As the clock struck 10:05, the horn went off, and the hunt began. Green started spreading toward yellow, yellow started rushing toward green, the blue blob moved upwards into green’s area, and the red group cut into the bottom left corner, before streaming toward the top-left.

So this huge mess of red, blue and yellow, drawn by some unseen force, just swarmed toward Athena’s castle thing (whatever they call it) and — what looked like — hundreds of plastic bags containing liquids of different colour were pelted at the mounted green shirts. For 5 whole minutes, the assault continued. The top left of the field (Athena’s area) remained packed, the bottom left (Artemis) was empty, the top right had some coolio walls of girls dressed in yellow (they remained there for the whole game — must have been really bored), and the bottom right had some people hanging back.

Finally, perhaps realising that both the green Athena faculty shirts were soaked, and that the green faculty could no longer realistically challenge for the title (whatever that’s worth), the three other faculties started retreating into their own areas. What followed was a period of… inactivity. It almost seemed as if everyone else had enough fun and wanted a break, while Athena gasped haplessly at the devastation left behind. Shirts soaked, cardboard shields broken, and the ground almost completely covered in wet plastic bags.

Thankfully, though, the lull didn’t last that long. As we turned to head for our math lesson, 10 minutes late, the J1s were back into action. Athena launched attacks at Artemis, Artemis retaliated, Ares attacked Artemis, and Apollo remained in their corner, human walls fully intact.

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Sadly, the school refuses to let us J2s watch the wargames, and we had no choice but to go for our Math tutorial. Luckily, we were allowed to watch for another 5 minutes before the lesson started, and were promised to be dismissed right after we’d covered the content of the tutorial. What followed was THE fastest math tutorial I’d ever seen. Instant replies to questions posed by the tutor, people enthusiastically rushing forward to present their answers on the whiteboard. We finished the 1 hour lesson in less than 20 minutes. Some of the girls seemed to be a little lost though — saw a couple of them asking the tutor some questions when he dismissed us. Anyway, we quickly turned to watch the war (thankfully, our classroom was right at the end of the corridoor on the third floor, meaning we get a good view of the field from the windows).

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Sadly, the rest of the wargames didn’t come close to the excitement of the start. Not that it was boring, though. Athena, defeated by the initial wave of attacks, went gung ho. Leaving their own area empty, they pushed every person forward, and launched assaults on Ares. Ares attacked Artemis, and Artemis returned the favour. Now, the top left corner was left empty, the bottom left had some red and blue shirts, the bottom right corner was packed to the brim, while Apollo seemed to go to sleep in their own area.

Couldn’t really see what went on at the other side of the field, but we had a good view of Artemis’s area. It was quite fascinating. Once in a while, a red shirt (henceforth referred to as — with all due respect — the Indian, as it was the only distinct feature we could spot from the 3rd floor) would just charge through the walls, twisting, faking, and basically just forcing his way through. Breaking free, almost with ease, he would get a free shot at Artemis’s tower. Each time he charged, our class cheered madly, inspired by the heroism and athletic ability displayed. Some other Aresians tried to do the same, but all of them were eventually stopped by the defence. The Indian was the only one capable of breaking the ranks of Artemis. The Aresians, refusing to give up, charged yet again, this time with a plan. As if they were playing rugby, they would have one person lead the line, with a few people following behind him. The leader would get as far as he could, and when he runs into trouble, pass the water bomb back. Sadly, this assault, while fascinating, didn’t seem to be very effective — as far as I know, none of those attacks succeeded.

Anyway, besides this, and the water bomb we threw from the classroom into Artemis’s area, there wasn’t much else of interest. Just before we left to head for our next lesson (this time 5 minutes late), we saw Apollo take advantage of Athena’s high defensive line, sending one final assault to make sure Athena were down and out.

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Okay, I really don’t know how I ended up writing so much. Guess I did have much to say after all.

On the way to our Physics lecture, we spotted the milo van. As I’d forgotten about the van last year — and ended up not drinking any milo — I made sure I drank my fill this time. 8 cups, before rushing back to the lecture theater in fear of being late (found that I was still early, after all, and could have had more cups).

 

sigh.

Again, I find myself asking: why won’t they just listen?

Perfectly sensible suggestions…

Pointing out obvious flaws…

Yet, some people just go on and do whatever they wanted to anyway.

 

onoes

=\ Hmm keeping a blog is actually harder than it sounds. I started this just to record some thoughts here and there, but it appears that I am far too lazy to really keep it going well. I often have some stuff I’d like to blog about, but when I get home, I almost always spend it playing games or watching anime or chatting. =.=

I can’t even remember when I’d last posted something here  .______.

Ah well, quite a bit has happened since then — including many many things I’d like to blog about. I’ll find time for that in the future. I hope. Probably. Possibly.

We’re into the first term of school, and CNY’s coming up. Having spent my EOY holidays going overseas and playing, I’m currently struggling with my KI Independent Study proposal. Having a hard time coming up with a (doable) topic. I do think I’m close, though, and should be able to finish my first draft over the CNY holidays (in Malaysia -.-).

As usual, I can’t remember what I’d wanted to write about, and I probably should get started packing up, so I’ll just end this with a cool video.

 

promos!

Wow, guess I’m really too lazy to keep up a blog — can’t be bothered to set time aside to write.

Just some quick thoughts on recent school issues.

First of all, the promotional exams! Not quite what I’d hoped for, but I guess a AAABB isn’t anything to be sad about. B for KI (screwed up my promos badly, combined score of both short passage-analysis was lower than the one i got for a single short passage analysis in the block tests) and Chinese (oms my Chinese standard really drops quite fast without practice).

Decent grade for math (considering all the careless mistakes), a little unhappy with my chem score (a meagre 74.6% D=), but I guess I did rather well for physics (although I COULD have been more careful), making — I think — the top 24 for the exam.

Not sure where to go from here, spent very little time revising for the exams; 5 hours for chem, 4-5 for math and around 3 hours for physics total (including time for practice papers). Not sure how long I’d spent on KI — I think more like 2 hours or so, and none at all on Chinese.

Ah well, 2 more block tests to find out a revision method that works all the time.

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Amidst the rush to complete our PW, and the worrying about Chinese A levels, we had a CT session with our civics tutor today. Not really sure if it can be considered a CT session — was really more like her coming in for 15min, emoing about how the class doesn’t like her, and leaving.

Some people got rather worked up about this issue afterward, while most people didn’t really care (right after she left, the class promptly whipped out laptops to resume PW work).

To be honest, I don’t think we all dislike her that much; felt she was overreacting. Most of us simply don’t care. She’s not the best CT, but certainly not the worst either. We wouldn’t mind a better CT, but if this have to remain this way, so be it. Wonder where she got the idea that the class hates her so much.

I guess I wouldn’t mind having a change of CT. Firstly, and most importantly, she doesn’t teach me at all. The only time I seem to see her is when she takes my attendance (or comments that my hair is too long). She’s also kinda too strict and formal (just the feeling I get from her).

She’s very strict with discipline issues (never let anyone off with long hair/missing collarpin and even pink shoelaces), but that’s part of her job. I think the main issue is that she doesn’t tell anyone when she issues demerit points. She’ll just smile at you and go “your hair is long” or “nice shoelaces” and the next thing you know, whee! 1 demerit point!

Her CT sessions feel overly formal, and noone wants to speak up at all. I hear that her econs lessons are the same. When you compare this to each of our other tutors (whose lessons we can sit in comfortably and participate enjoyably), I guess we’d all secretly wished we had any of our other tutors as our CT.

True, we can tell she tries very hard, and cares about us. Probably too much, thinking about it. Perhaps she would be more approachable if she behaved -ah- differently.

 

I think I should be doing some school work, like studying for promos or something, but…

Ugh, I just seem to keep finding new stuff to watch or read.

Just finished reading the manga Bitter Virgin (don’t get misled by the title, it’s a good series with realistic, cute characters and a good plot). Can’t say I know much about romance stories, but I think this one is rather unique and has nothing cheesy inside. Characters are cute, and develop throughout the story! <3

Before I forget, here are two awesome (fan-made?) videos with superb lip-synching, music and everything!

 

random test

Don’t really like tests with these kind of questions — kinda feels a little random, but ah well since I’ve already done it…

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They’ll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend – you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren’t interested in wasting time with people you don’t really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You’re a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you’ll be set for life.

How do you view success:

Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It’s time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

 

<3

So cute <3

 

INT

Saw some personality test being advertised on the smb the other night, applied for it and am one of the 85 quick enough to get in! So meanwhile, I went to take one of those personality tests online (MBTI, I think).

The test on http://www.mypersonality.info/ told me I’m an INTP, while the programme that I have on my computer (got it during sec 3, for some iCMG stuff I think) says I’m INTJ. I guess it’s the way the questions are phrased — things like “I feel more comfortable before/after a decision” vs “I like to make my decisions early/at the last minute”.

I feel more comfortable after a decision, but like to leave them to the last minute =.=

Looking at the characteristics for Judging and Perceiving, I guess Perceiving describes me more — flexible, adaptable, procrastinates, leisurely etc — but I try to be Judging (I make an effort to be organised, and make plans, etc). So both descriptions describe me a little, I guess.

Interestingly, I remember being rated as extroverted in sec 3 (ENFJ or something like that). Perhaps that was because I chose the options that embodied traits I’d liked to have, instead of those that I had possessed at that time. Or maybe I really did change that much, after all.

I think I’m naturally introverted. I take a while to make friends, and get close to people. But I try to be extroverted. I make an effort to speak to people, to initiate conversation.

When with people I’ve just met, I feel most comfortable being by myself — I enjoy company, but feel slightly awkward in those situations. Kinda like I feel forced to initiate conversation or something. I always feel strained when I’m with a group of people I’m not really close to, such as when I was with my OG, or my OAC group, and even now, most of the frisbee people.I talk to them, and enjoy it, but feel drained afterwards, and am often glad when they leave.

With a group of people I’m familiar with, however, I feel very comfortable, and natural. Maybe it’s because I know that I’m accepted by them, and that I ‘fit in’, and hence do not feel the need to make an effort to do things.

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Just noticed today — not sure why I haven’t realised this before — but when I’m with my family, I just feel so free and energised. I really feel that I can ‘be myself’. Perhaps it’s because I know that, no matter what, they are my family, and that they accept me for whoever I am. I can be at the heart of everything — making jokes, laughing along, having something to say about everything. It feels so good, so comfortable interacting with them. I can be completely relaxed and carefree, and can speak, converse, without thinking.

Surprisingly, I seem to feel the same way during certain lessons — chem tutorial, and to a certain extent physics and math tutorials. I feel really relaxed, and am able to participate very actively in lessons. I enjoy those lessons, and just shout out the answers whenever I feel like it. I smile throughout the lesson, and feel energized.

I guess that’s how it feels like to ‘be myself’. The freedom of not having to try to be someone else.

I’m not too sure, but I think I feel the same way around my close friends. Will try to take note next time.

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I guess maybe it’s because I think too much about how others view me.

When with someone I’m not familiar with, I feel awkward. I don’t know how he/she views me, or feels about me, and I’m afraid of being annoying or something. I don’t know whether to speak, or shut up. Kinda like how I don’t know if I should wave to someone when I see them. I recognise the person, but fear that he/she may not remember me. I guess I just need to know if the person accepts me, so to speak, before I wave.

So, usually, I just look at them and smile. Most smile back, and some wave and say hi. I feel more comfortable around those people, and would wave the next time. As for those who ignore, or do not see me, I sort of lose confidence, and would most probably not wave or anything the next time I see them, and just feel awkward in silence.

When with people I know well, I know that they accept me. I feel part of the group. I don’t need to feel uncomfortable trying to think of something to say — it all comes so naturally. It’s like I don’t even need to try, I just become rather sociable.

I think I shall take note next time I’m around someone. I’ll try to feel the same no matter who I’m around, and try to be myself, be relaxed, instead of distancing myself and trying too hard to do something.